Your Grandma Marched in the Slutwalk
Subject is a Caucasian male, middle-age but dresses like a teenager. Brown hair, teal eyes but squinting constantly. Subject has cuts all over his mouth and thinks in French. Speaks in roguish old timey phrases like “keep the change, baby” and “make it a double, baby.” Proud flip phone jackass. Smells like a campfire. Claims to be a skinwalker and has Jay Z Disease. Known aliases “Yellow Fever Ape” and “Fat Faggot.”
Last seen on the side of Highway 8 trying to find a way to get into the woods. Presumed dead or a rapist.
Approach Instagram with caution. Shoot on sight. Purge from public records.