Exposing Darron X as Secret Mexican

Your Grandma Marched in the Slutwalk

Subject is a Caucasian male, middle-age but dresses like a teenager. Brown hair, teal eyes but squinting constantly. Subject has cuts all over his mouth and thinks in French. Speaks in roguish old timey phrases like “keep the change, baby” and “make it a double, baby.” Proud flip phone jackass. Smells like a campfire. Claims to be a skinwalker and has Jay Z Disease. Known aliases “Yellow Fever Ape” and “Fat Faggot.”

Last seen on the side of Highway 8 trying to find a way to get into the woods. Presumed dead or a rapist.

Chosen Superpower: the ability to be a character on Arrested Development

Has not read a book since high school.

Believes all religions are the same and Ant Man was a standout entry of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Is working on starting a Twitch IRL stream about New Masculinity.

Doesn't think Neil Degrasse Tyson stalks gypsy camps looking to buy runaways to use as sword holders.

Approach Instagram with caution. Shoot on sight. Purge from public records.

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