Rat King Dairy Queen (“People of Cooler”)

The Problem

We didn’t lose our jobs to machines, we lost them to children. It got to the point where they were born so much smarter than us and invented things only they could understand, and we just had to be grateful they deigned to involve us at all. Artificial intelligence was certainly involved, but they carved out their own ingenious niches. The only place left to work in my town was the hospital. The whole world felt like a hospice.

We would tell jokes about killing ourselves. Every day we would laugh about suicide and how stupid the world was. It was a pathetic rebellion. I wonder what their kids will be like. Retired by sarcastic gods. Every day we took care of sick people and left whenever we wanted. We really didn’t have to be there at all. Humanity changes as it evolves until you end up just being a garnish to the world. We would wear animal heads and put on funny satanic rituals.

We will buy you a used car dealership called ``Captain Haircut!``

We will find you a country filled with billions of dogs!

We will procure a rifle that only kills short guys!